New Year, New Outlook

With the recent death of my cousin, I have had to take a long hard look at how I view relationships and people in general, especially my own family.  I was not close with my cousin.  In fact, I can only think of two times that I have met her, one being the day of my wedding. I know there are more, I was just too young to remember. Even so, she was my family. The oldest daughter of my dad's oldest brother.

I have had a hard time with her death, one reason being that she leaves behind two kids, my sweet second cousins, and another being how I reacted toward her coming to my wedding. We had planned on inviting only our parent's siblings, but none of their children since most of them are grown and some with their own families, and we simply could not afford to invite every single person we knew.  My dad was visiting my grandmother one day and my cousin, Jen, was also visiting. The wedding was brought up and Jen asked when she was going to get in an invite. My dad, being the sweet man that he is, did not inform her that she was not being invited and I was told to send her an invite.  I remember being so irritated that she invited herself, and I also remember not talking to her very much at the wedding.

I could just kick myself in the mouth for my actions.  I was being so self-centered and childish.  Whether or not I knew her very well, she was my family.  It has taken me a long long time to realize how important family really is.  I can't even express in words why, but I think most people who haven't been as selfish as I have know what I mean.  It wasn't until she passed that I realized how much I really do love her, even if only because we are related.

Another reason why I have had such a hard time with her death is because of how she died in a car crash. One of my biggest fears is to make a family with Jeremy and then either him or me dying in a car accident. It is something that sometimes consumes my mind.  I try to tell myself that it is irrational, but I don't believe that it is. It can happen at any given moment to any given person.  For it to become a reality to someone in my family has gripped my heart so tightly that I haven't known how to deal with it, except to hold on to my loved ones even tighter and to never ever take them or our lives for granted.

Something else I have been thinking a lot about is how I view people in a general sense.  I am so sick and tired of instantly judging people and picking out their faults.  I have always prided myself in being discerning and being able to read people extremely well.  Which is all fine and well except I have used it as an excuse to be judgmental, as if I can read a person's character within five seconds of meeting them.  I hate that I do this.  If I am going to judge a person's character, I want to see the good in them.  I can't love people the way I should if I focus on what I think their downfalls are.  It's impossible.  I want love to take over the cynicism that resides in me.

I have always hated the idea of New Year's resolutions.  Everyone has their lists that they one by one let go by the wayside as the year progresses.  But I must admit that there is something to be said about the year changing into anew, bringing on a fresh start.

My New Year's resolution is this: to treat each day as a fresh start, to begin each day remembering all that has been given to me and to not take it for granted.

On a lighter note, 2012 promises some very exciting events for the Wrinkle-Bachers!

I will be officially starting the Graphic Design program at ISU in January.
I will be running a half marathon in April.
2012 Summer Conference in June.
Visiting family in Alaska in July.
Wrinkle family reunion in Alabama in August.
Jeremy graduating from UIS in December.

I wish everyone a happy and fun filled New Year!

♥TB

Identity Crisis... Again...

I've decided that my life with my one and only, Jeremy, is far more interesting and fun than my life on my own. Therefore, I am once again redirecting the focus of this blog, and this time it is for good.

T+J=♥

♥Yours Truly, TB

Has it really been 10 years?

Was I really only 13? I remember how profoundly this day affected me 10 years ago. I remember watching the news all day at school and how still and quiet everything was. I remember how I didn't really want to believe that any of it was true until my mom called me from California to see if I was okay, how images of the planes hitting the towers and people jumping off the buildings tortured me, how I cried for weeks for all the people lost and their grieving families, how personally offended I was by the attacks, and how fearful I was for what would happend next.  It really does seem hard to believe that I felt these things as deeply as I did as a 13 year old version of myself.

But I also remember how the people of this country came together in the following months.  I had never experienced such patriotism. True patriotism, where people came together for the good of others and seemed willing to do anything to protect what we have as Americans. As opposed to the arrogant thinking that we are better than the rest of the world and completely untouchable, the only way of thinking that I had known.

It makes me afraid that it takes such tragic events to move this nation. What will have to happen next to get people to remember to take care of one another and of this country that has given them so much? When will people stop complaining and stop taking for granted the freedoms and opportunities given to them? There are places where citizens have to live in constant fear of car bombs, AIDS, starvation, sex trafficking, dictatorship, never getting an education, and never having control over their lives. I am sometimes disgusted with the citizens and the government of this country, but I forget to never despise America, no, not after the life that I have been able to live here safely and comfortably, surrounded by people that care for me.

I will never forget September 11, 2001. I will never forget that America is not invincible and is worth keeping safe. I will never forget to thank God for placing me in this country and allowing me to live life freely and abundantly, and for showing me that he did not give me freedom and abundance to keep to myself, but to share with others.

Chili and Johnny Cake

Jeremy and I love this time of year because it is the best time to get fresh local peppers.  The weather this week has been absolutely gorgeous and we decided it would be the perfect weekend for a hearty bowl of chili. 

Almost all the ingredients below (except the canned and bottled) are from Common Ground, a Bloomington-Normal local grocery store providing fresh, local, and organic produce as well as bulk organic spices for much cheaper than you would find at a major grocery store. The meat is from Bloomington Meats, a local meat shop providing free-range and local meat.  The recipe is partly our own, except the mix of spices which comes from the recipe for "Rainwater Chili" in Open-House Cookbook.  

There is also another recipe from Jeremy's family for Johnny Cake, similar to cornbread but with a custard topping.

Chili Ingredients:

Olive Oil

3 large onions

5 cloves garlic

6 assorted bell peppers

2 cayenne hot peppers

2 hungarian hot peppers

1/4 cup chili powder

2 tbs cumin

2 tbs ground cumin

2 tbs dried oregano

1 tb sweet paprika

1 tb hot paprika

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp turmeric

1 tsp ground coriander

1/2 tsp ground cardamon

3 tbs unsweetened cocoa powder

2 lbs ground beef

12 oz hot italian sausage

12 oz sweet italian sausage

1 can (35 oz) tomatoes

1/2 cup tequila

1 bottle of beer

1 can pinto beans 

(We would usually add in 1 can of black and 1 can of kidney beans, but we didn't have any on hand)

Tomato juice for consistency

Salt to taste

Chop onions and mince garlic:

Coarsely chop the sweet bell peppers and finely chop the smaller hot peppers:

Combine all spices:

Coat the bottom of a stew pot with olive oil and let it heat through on medium. Add onions, coat with oil,  and saute for 5 minutes:

Add in garlic and peppers, saute for 5 minutes:

Add in spices, stir occasionally for 5 minutes:

Add in 35 oz canned tomatoes and canned beans, both undrained:

Add in 1/2 Cup Tequila and 1 bottle of beer:

Stir well and let simmer while browning ground beef and italian sausages:

Add meat into stew pot once it is completely browned:

Stir, add tomato juice until chili is desired consistency, then add salt to taste.

Stir, and simmer uncovered on low for at least one hour.

Johnny Cake!

Preheat oven to 350. Measure out 1 Cup of buttermilk:

Add in 1 tsp baking soda and let sit for a few minutes:

Beat together 2 eggs, 1/2 cup sugar, and 3 tbs of melted butter:

 Stir buttermilk mixture into egg mixture:

Stir in 1 1/2 cups cornmeal, 1/2 cup flour, and 3/4 tsp salt:

Beat well then stir in 3/4 cup milk:

Pour mixture into 9x13 pan:

Slowly drizzle 1/2 cup of milk over mixture:

Put in oven and bake for 45 minutes or until golden brown:

Yum!

Enjoy with friends!

Love, Joy, Peace, and all that jazz

Today, while I was contemplating my life and the people in it, something really hit me. I really want to be a better person.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Mahatma Gandhi

A quote I have heard over and over again, seen splattered on poorly designed posters, displayed on social networking profiles, etc., but have never really taken to heart until today.

I was thinking specifically about how I focus so much on other people's faults. I am constantly amazed at how rude and inconsiderate people in this nation are and am continuously trying to find the root of all the selfishness surrounding me.

While I have many thoughts on what those roots are, what I really want to focus on is my own inconsideration and selfishness. I would like to think that I am not as boorish as the next guy, but I know I am far from perfect and have my days where I forget that I am not the only one with feelings. I get to a point where I take everything so personally and react accordingly, and that, ladies and gentleman, never gets anyone anywhere. 

So, here is my disposition. If I want to see love and kindness in this world, I must be more loving and kind. If I want to see less selfishness, I must be considerate and selfless. If I want to see joy and happiness, I must stop complaining about unfortunate situations and instead share the many number of blessings that have been given to me.

This all sounds so good and easy in my head, but when it comes down to it, it is dang hard.

I want to love even when its hard. I pray that God will show me how. 

Killer Cats

I have been wanting to put the cats on a raw food diet for a while now.
I am very aware that felines are carnivores by nature and that the majority of kibble food out there is loaded with grains and an unnecessary amount of rice and other fillers. A ferile cat is not going to be eating bread or rice or even a ton of vegetables and probably close to no fruit. So even the foods that advertise "whole grains" and "plenty of fruits and veggies" are not actually good for our pets. What they actually need (and want) is protien. It is what their bodies are biologically made to process. Cats are specifically desiged to be predators of meat.

The unfortanate thing about the industry of pet food is how much crap they put in those hard little pieces of food and how little they care about the nutrition value. Most of those foods are literally just grain, rice, corn, and animal by-products. The cheapest stuff they can find. Then they are loaded with preservatives and artificial flavoring because they know without it no animal would want to go near it. The other unfortanute thing about the industry is they know that the average consumer is not going to actually look at the ingredients on those labels or even know what to look for.

What you should look for is a diet that is high in protien and has zero grain, if possible. I know that for us it is a necessity because Aslan is allergic to it. You should look for a food that has real meat instead of a ton of by-products and has no artificial flavoring or coloring. I don't think fruits and veggies are bad for our little furry friends but I do think that they should be kept to a minimum. 

But what would REALLY be best is to chuck the kibble all together and try for a raw diet. There are varying degrees of this from a literal 100% raw meat diet to a raw meat diet mixed with veggies and supplements such as eggs, fish oil, vitamin E, vitamin B, and taurine.  Either way, a raw diet for our pets would be the closest thing we can give them to emulate what their diet would consist of in nature. It is also believed that a raw diet eliminates a lot of health issues in pets and gives them more energy and a longer life span. I cannot attest to this personally but I can say that I have read many many blogs and articles swearing to it.

But with work and school it is very hard for me to put this into practice. I can't even get myself to portion out their food, let alone prepare them a specialized diet. Instead we got one of those free flowing feeders so they can feed themselves as needed. With Obi Wan being a little food monster this worried me, but it seems to be alleviating some of Aslan's stress and he is picking less fights with Obi since he doesnt have to worry about running out of food. Id rather have one be a chubby kitty than the other be an angry hungry one :)

Also, we had them on a special limited ingredient diet that we could only get from the vet but it was getting way too expensive so we are trying something new. It is called Orijen and it is a 80% protien, 20% fruits and veggies, grain free food made with free range chicken and wild caught fish that is never frozen or treated with preservatives and is fit for human consumption. The food is also slow cooked at a low temperature to retain nutritional value.

I really like it because even though it is a dry food it has a lot of moisture and is not made up of unnatural  perfectly shaped kibble, it looks more like chopped up meat. And as soon as I put it down the cats were all over it.

What I am interested in is the quality of their poop with this food. If a food is high in nutrition and protien their poop is supposed to be dryer and have a lower odor.  So I will have to check in on that!

I swear, these cats... what we do for them! 

Identity Crisis

I have been thinking long and hard about what my next blog is going to be on and nothing I have thought of seems to fit into my description of what I originally thought this blog was going to be about. So I think I will have to leave it more open ended for now and see if it takes shape in the future. And if not, oh well. It is what it is.

Right now it is coming up on 4 am and I cannot seem to get myself motivated to sleep. That does not even make sense but really, my insomniac (maniac) mind seems to be in overdrive, and for no particular reason. I am sick of this season. I need sunshine. And here I am talking about moving to Seattle. Can I handle the gloom?

Someone tell me, is Seattle really all that gloomy?